never play flip cup with pint glasses
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
