I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
