Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
