She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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