let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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