You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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