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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
