i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
