I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
