guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
