So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I intend to get homeless drunk
you will always have a special place in my vag
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
