Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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