if you like me you must not know who I am
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
