some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
