I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
