How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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