Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
