Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
