that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
