Someone shit on the floor
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
