I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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