That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
