Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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