The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
