Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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