he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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