Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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