I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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