u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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