I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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