he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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