My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
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