my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
