It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
