One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
