My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
