...so i touched it.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
