Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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