walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
