Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
