I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
apparently the secret to your success is patron
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
