Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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