I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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