We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
