I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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