I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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