i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This is my gift to your gina
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
