ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
