i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
