There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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