I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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