Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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