so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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